Planning A Baby's Funeral
Organising your baby's funeral or a funeral of a baby close to you will undoubtably be one the most difficult experiences you will ever have to go through. It is something no parent should ever have to do but unfortunately it may be a reality for you right now.
Your final goodbye to your baby will be a sad and difficult time for you. Your baby's service can also be a beautiful way to honour your baby. Their short little lost life has affected you in so many ways. This can be a time to share the time you have spent with your baby with special people around you. It is important to draw on the support networks around you if possible. Please know we are always here for you and are happy to talk with you about planning your baby's funeral. If you would also like us to attend your service for support we would be honoured too, please call us on 1800 824 240.
Funeral/Memorial service arrangements are a very personal choice. Please trust your instincts and do what you feel is right for you and your family. It is also ok not to hold a funeral service for your baby, again, this is a very personal choice.
We hope the information below will give you some guidance at a time when you may feel totally lost and so alone.
Shared memories & goodbyes from other bereaved parents
Some questions to ask yourself
- Do I want to have a funeral /memorial service?
- Do I want to have my baby buried or cremated?
- Do I want to have my baby's remains placed in a cemetery or bring their ashes home?
- Do I want to scatter my baby's ashes at a special place?
- Who do I want to join me at my baby's funeral/memorial service?
- Would you like to put a notice in the newspaper with the funeral details?
- Do I want to have a private service?
- Do I want to see or hold my baby before the service?
- Is there a special song I would like to play?
- Is there a special poem / verse I would like spoken?
- Is there something special I would like my baby dressed in?
- Is there a special blanket I would like my baby wrapped in?
- Would I like to place a special gift with my baby (a toy, letter, photo of myself / family or give a trinket)?
- You might like to arrange a personalised candle to light during the service
- Would I like to have balloons to release?
- You can purchase TLC balloons from the store for your balloon release
- Do I want to have a photo taken of the service or have it recorded?
- Is their someone that special I would like to speak at the service?
- Would you like to have a wake or small gathering after the service?
- Would I like my friends and family to bring a flower. special bear or make a monetary donation in lieu of flowers?
- In the days following the service would you like to take a small getaway and ensure your privacy?
Some options other bereaved parents have chosen are listed below
- Hold a funeral service either privately or with family and friends
- hold a memorial service at a special place ie: home, church, beach, garden
- Have a personal service either privately or with family friends at a special place ie: home, church, beach, garden
- Have your baby cremated by a funeral home and then collect their ashes afterwards
Here are some shared memories and special goodbyes that others have done for their baby/babies
- Write a letter to your baby and include it in their casket
- Give your baby a gift, teddy, rattle, special little something from home.
- If you have living children, maybe they would like to draw a picture to be placed at the funeral or in your baby's casket
- Give friends and family the option to do this also
- Have a viewing for yourself or for family and friends also
- See your baby on the funeral day and say your last goodbye if you feel you want to
- Have a photograph of your baby displayed in their casket
- Have a guestbook made available at the funeral /service so you may have their thoughts as a loving keepsake
- Ask for a photograph to be taken of yourself with your baby
- Write something special about or to your baby and have it read aloud at the service
- Ask for a photograph to be taken of your baby's casket and or the funeral service
- You can have your babies funeral service video taped
- When making the funeral arrangements if it is to be a cremation, ask how your babies ashes will be returned to you.
- Some parents have been very upset by what their baby ashes are returned in.
- Enquire at centrelink about bereavement payments that may assist in the costs of a funeral
- Always confirm the cost of your babies funeral and the arrangements in which payments need to be made.
- Ask for some or all of the flowers from the service to be kept, they can be freeze dried or made into potpourri.
- Some people ask for teddy bears or monetary donations in their baby's honour at their funeral /service
Personal Quote
Don’t be afraid if you are comfortable with it and the funeral home offers - to have the funeral home bring your baby/babies home before the service – in some cases there may be the option for you to take your baby/babies to the service – this was the case with us. Nicole in memory of ~Nicholas~
Living Children
Your living children have suffered the loss of their sibling. They may want to play a part in saying goodbye / funeral /service.
- Speak openly and honestly to them
- They may have many questions, answer as honestly and simply as possible
- Try not to use words like baby is sleeping, as this can be confusing with actual sleep
- TLC has books that can be borrowed to help explain death and the loss of your baby to children
Burial Options
- Headstone
- Plaque
- Baby sections in cemetery's
Below are some lovely quotes & verses that may be helpful in finding those special words to be included on your babies headstone or plaque. You may like to write some special words for your baby's headstone or plaque.
"No matter how we spend our lives, no matter what we do, there's always a longing in our hearts, for yesterday and you."
"Sometimes love is for a moment. Sometimes love is for a lifetime. Sometimes a moment is a lifetime"
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away"
Cremation Options
- Ask about how your babies ashes will be returned to you. Some parents have been very upset by what their baby/babies ashes are kept in.
- Most funeral homes have lovely baby urns that sometimes are not offered to you but can be purchased.
- Your babies ashes do not have to be kept in a traditional urn.
- Many beautiful boxes can be found (and engraved) if you wish from gift shops and department stores.
- Cemetery's often have lovely baby sections
- Your baby's ashes can be placed in a memorial wall at a cemetery.
- You might like to have a memorial plaque at the cemetery even if your babies ashes are not placed there
- You may chose to have your baby's ashes scattered, sprinkled out to sea, planted at home in a garden. Check your local council legalities of doing so.
~Amie-Lee & Emilys~ Urns and ~Amie-Lee & Emily's~ memorial plaque at the Centenial Park Cemetery, Adelaide.
Funeral Cards
Funeral cards can include your baby's picture/s or picture of their hand & foot prints.
Some parents have preferred to personalize their babies service cards and have made their own by including on pretty card their baby’s name, birth details, a photo or footprint, a special poem or special words and had them laminated.
Personal Quotes
“At our twin daughters funeral service we arranged to have balloons for everyone to release together after the service, the balloons were placed behind our girls caskets during their service. It looked so pretty and special” Trudi in memory of ~Amie-lee & Emily~
“I really wish someone had of taken a photo of our girls funeral service, it was really pretty and special and now only a memory” Trudi in memory of ~Amie-lee & Emily~
"Matt and i decided to hold a funeral service with just the two of us attending, we really couldn't cope with lots of people there. It was a beautiful service and we were together as a family for one last time"" Jaylee in Memory of ~Kai~
If you would like to make monetary donations in lieu of flowers at your baby's funeral please contact Jaylee on 0411 225 342 and we will organise to get our donation envelopes to either yourself or the funeral home as soon as possible.
