Attending childrens school

Attending your living children's school after the loss of your baby

I would like to share some ideas & suggestions that I have come to learn from my own experience and from other families who found attending their living child's or children's pre school or school after the loss of their baby difficult.

Parents who have pre school or school age children have said that going back to their child's school can be quite difficult. Some have expressed that they have been surprised by how difficult it was for them. Facing the other children and their parents, especially those who had been following their pregnancy's. Some have found it hard facing the questions, not knowing what to say, not wanting to talk about everything right then as they are just wanting to get their other child off to school. Some found they were avoided and that the other parents did not saying anything about the loss of their baby as if it didn't even happen. Some have also said that they were surprised by the support that they received from the other parents and how much their care and concern helped them, so that is a wonderful thing.

You might like to talk with your child's teacher before you or your child returns or goes to school. To just tell them how your child has been going along since the loss of their baby brother or sister. This is a good way for you to talk to the teacher about whether you do or don't want anything explained to the class and keep your teacher informed about your child and how he or she is coping with the loss of their brother or sister.

Questions may extend to your school age child and you might like to talk with them about this so that they are not confronted with a barrage of questions also and not sure how to answer.

I have often heard from parents how walking their child into the school was really difficult at first, if you are struggling and worried about this. Is there someone who could walk your child in for a period of time that works for you and your child? Is your child ok to walk in themselves? Please know that it is ok if you are having a hard time with this. If you reach out for support to help get you though this time you might find the anticipation of what it is going to be like might not necessarily be as hard as you had imagined.

You might like to also prepare yourself for the questions and think about what you do or don't want to tell people. How much do you want to talk about and share? I will also mention that there is the possibility that you might come across insensitive comments from others. Being prepared for these types of comments might lessen the shock. You might like to respond or you can walk away knowing that person really has no idea what it is like to lose a bay and does not deserve the privilege to know any more about your precious baby.

I hope your time back at your child's pre school or school is full of comfort and support by those around you. If it is not and you are having a hard time please know TLC is always here.

Trudi Penrose-Starr Dip. Prof. Couns. (Grief and Loss).

TLC offers professional counselling and a free call bereavement support line.

We are here for you.